Body Language - Reading Sexual Signals

by Ian Lewis

You've mastered online flirting and found a date on the internet, but how do you know they're sexually attracted to you when you meet? Don't worry, there's no need to resort to astrology or reading tea leaves just yet. Your date's telling you all you need to know inadvertently. It's not what they say to you, but what they show you with their non-verbal communication. By analysing their body language, you can pick up the sexual signals they give off and tell whether there's a chance of a sexual relationship.

Seeing the real message

Our speech plays a relatively minor role in our communication. It's our body language that gives clues about how we really feel. Unfortunately, women are more adept than men at picking up these non-verbal signals, as they are more expressive naturally. But how do you know if that's a seductive twinkle in their eye or just a bit of grit?

Synchronised body language

If someone's is flirting with you, they'll make lots of eye contact and sit upright, learning towards you. They're on RED ALERT and want you to know they're paying attention. But the best clue for telling if your date fancies you is whether they copy you. It someone is attracted to you, they will mirror your movements: touching their hair, sitting back and sipping their drink after you do. You're on a winner as well if your date's breathing rhythm matches yours or they blush when they talk or speak rapidly and trip over their words. It means that are aroused and eager to impress you.

Do they fancy you? Men and women flirt with the opposite sex in different ways - men are obvious, while women are more coy. When women are attracted their pupils dilate, nostrils flare, they sit with their legs crossed towards their date, push their chest out, expose their wrists, play with their hair and blush. When men are attracted they sit with their legs wide open, touch their hair and face, fiddle with their clothes, flare their nostrils and look at your body in an obvious way (no big revelation there!).

How not to flirt To attract men or women and flirt successfully, remember to keep your own body language under control. The golden rule is not to invade their personal space. If you get over familiar too quickly, you'll spend the rest of the night dealing with an anxious and uncomfortable date. Remember we've all been warned to be wary of strangers and new relationships. Take time to read the signs and then take it at a steady pace. I went out for a drink with a man once who stood far too close to me. Every time I took a step back, he took a step closer. I felt hunted. I did wonder whether he was going to follow me all the way to the toilet!

Sit in the right place If you're meeting your date in a bar, think carefully about where you sit. If you sit side-by-side, direct eye contact is difficult. This can work to your advantage, as we use body language to compensate. We will try and create a comfortable atmosphere by leaning in closer and using tactile gestures - the watchwords in flirting!

Give out the right sexual signals Let go and enjoy yourself. People are attracted to those who are having a good time. Think about what you're doing with your arms and hands. Crossed arms puwwwwwt a barrier between you and your date, while fidgeting with your hands signals nervous anxiety. Relax and project confident body language. Pay compliments to your date, such as what they are wearing, but don't be gushy or insincere. Speak softly but audibly. No one wants someone shrieking in their ears or mumbling. If you panic and can't remember all our tips, just remember one thing - your best asset is your expression. Don't forget to smile!

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